Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
