I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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