did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
