can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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