HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
