I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
