The maid of honor just puked.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
