I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
