I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
