My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
