It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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