who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
