Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
