I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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