do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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