I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
