I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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