I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
