It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
