This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
