OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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