You're so nebulous sometimes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He better not be in your backpack
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
