..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize