the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
