I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
