Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
