Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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