Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
