Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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