Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
