you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
