I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
