I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
