Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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