Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Randomize