My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
