The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
