Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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