i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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