That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
