and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
