you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize