Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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