My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this will be a night to untag.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
