Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
