My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
