He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize