She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
