I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
