He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
