Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
