i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize