You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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