No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
