One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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