hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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