Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
P.S. I can't hear my feet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
