Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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