this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
