i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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