The maid of honor just puked.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My ass is underappreciated
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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