I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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