I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
one two three fourrrrnication!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
