I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He better not be in your backpack
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm always down for nudity.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
