She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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