I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
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apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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