i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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