feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
