how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
