So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
