what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
