I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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