so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize