How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
